SUNGAZE// The Holiness of Suffering: On The Art of Shoegazing, Sad Girl Spring, and the Soundtrack of Becoming
On girlhood, kindred spirits, grief, and the sacred weight of emotion turned into art.
Written by: Syn Devereaux
Photo by: Kennedy Cottrell
Sad Girl spring, she’s here and she’s in bloom. In fact, she never left. She isn’t a season, but a state of mind. An essence you’re born with, carried deep in the marrow of your bones. Regardless of your gender, Sad Girl– yes, capital S, capital G– she finds you and claims you before you’re even born. Gloria’s (God– because even she is a woman) bravest soul-diers (walk with me) are of the SG crew and among the Chosen, we have Sungaze the band. Hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio with Feel Better Now– their newest track released on April 11, 2025– finding me just when it needed to by way of Tiktok.
The Sad Girl vibe isn’t a persona, it's a way of life. IYKYK. Those who walk it would never choose it or wish it, but you also make a sacred vow to never leave, carrying the weight of deep feeling in every heavy, heady step they take. For Sungaze, this is translated through atmospheric swells of steel and gritty electric guitars and bone-deep bass and drums, adding harmonies and build-ups that feel anthemic to your own personal indie coming of age movie. The pinnacle of running in a fogged up forest– Ethel Caine meeting Phoebe Bridgers meeting M83’s Outro to something entirely its own: Sungaze.
Sungaze is comprised of members and primary songwriters Ian Hilvert and Ivory Snow, including their four closest friends: Angela Colvin (Snow’s sister) on backing vocals and bass guitar, Zach Starkie, Charlie Hausfeld on rhythm guitar, and Justin Van Wagenen on drums. What they bring together is nothing short of transforming and transcendent.
The phrase, “love u, mean it” comes to mind, written on the tips of beaten down old Converse. “love u”, left shoe, “mean it”, right shoe. Shoegazing, done right if you ask me. The very kind of shoegazing you do at blue dawn in a deserted park when you can’t sleep, just to chase remnants of your childhood that feels a little too haunted; on the swings, feet up, pumping your legs to feel the burn, just to feel– wishing you were a kid again, wondering if you really can fly but realizing you’ll never be there. Instead, you’re here. It’s the kind of life ponderment that sits heavy in your chest and walks with you until you know where to place it. Sungaze has it figured out with sight and sound in spades.
Their newest single, Feel Better Tomorrow is an anthem on change. It isn’t just a promise—it’s a wish, whispered through clenched teeth; a meditation on hope for a better tomorrow than our todays and yesterdays. Opening the track with, “Seven years'll go/ Just like that/ I'm still the same/ Part of me wants to change/ But I'm at/ A loss for how” How quickly time slips you by, an entire cycle, gone and what– you’re still the same? Begging for change, but unsure of how? The only lines I’d ever inhale that hits bone deep, visceral and straight to the point. You can’t bottle being seen like that. You either are, or you aren’t.
Sungaze's music video for the song is what pulled me in on Tiktok. A snippet of the visual companion and .01 seconds was enough to reel me in. I was hooked. I was gagged. With frontwoman Ivory Snow singing forlornly in a hospital gown, in a field, in a parking garage– dressing the gown up with a belt (hospital gown, but make it chic) clipped in a montage of her laying on the couch, in the grocery store. Every normal place you’d find yourself on a regular day, even in the middle of grief and feeling lost.
The video opens with Snow curled in the passenger seat of the car, taking you right along with her on the literal and metaphorical journey of wanting to just feel fucking better. This song is a visceral testament to internal feelings and memories of my own pain, begging to be surrendered to something bigger than myself and finally, finally caving in. The video is perfectly shot and colored– honestly exactly as I’d imagine it to be. Cinematographer and colorist, Benjamin McClain did a knock out job capturing that liminal space of wanting to get better but unsure of the how. Absolute chefs kiss. No notes.
For me, the translation of sound and visuals are so important and it’s evident that Sungaze have not only their sound locked in, but their entire visual aesthetic and elements as well. When one bleeds so effortlessly into the other, that is magic. That, is fucking alchemy.
Taking raw emotion and pain and turning into something a total stranger can relate to is, in my most humble opinion, the Lord’s Fucking Work. Please put that in the NYT. It’s no easy feat but Sungaze does so with grace without being navel gazey– shoe gazey as they say. Both make you ponder and think, yet one has heart, one ego. All egos have been checked and left at the door here like unmarked baggage saying, we are all human; we all feel pain.
Additional stand out tracks from their discography are, Lost My Mind (yup, title says it all) with swelling guitars and pulsing drums– instantly captivating you. It reminds me of My Morning Jacket's Steam Engine. Something about it, I can't place it, but it’s a feeling you don’t forget.
So Light– their 2024 summer single– feels like it should be on one of the Twilight soundtracks. Honestly, 14/15 year old me would have raaaaaaged to the drum beat alone. Snow’s haunting vocals opening with lyrics, “Who would I be without this agony/ I have so long carried/ False symbols of maturity/ A heart so light/ I'm blinded by it/ What would it be to let go/ Of the stories/ I've known/ Would I find there's more to me/ Than the holiness of suffering”. HOLY. SHIT.
Ouchy. Big, big, ouchy.
I think somewhere, in a journal (or two or twelve) I have very similar sentiments written. This song, these lyrics– find me in a moment of change when I’m once again asking myself: Who am I without my pain? My suffering? I don’t know where I begin and it ends– sacred testimony, holy vows. Mine, only mine. ME. I wouldn’t trade any of it. None of the mess, the wreckage or pain– n o n e of it. Zero. It’s made me into a person I’ve grown to absolutely adore and love.
My pain is my strength. I’ve learned through age and time to let go of what doesn’t serve me, honor the path to get here and the stories told and waiting to be told. THAT is the holiness of suffering. Sungaze is a masterclass in translating that feeling– something so raw, so personal into a four minute and eight minute song. Something that transcends time and space because younger me needed this track just as much as I now need it. Together they listen, holding each other honoring what was, what is, and what will be.
Sungaze GETS IT. Gets me, as music in general. I truly am a firm believer in the fact that things, people, place, songs or artists find you exactly when and how you need them to carry you forward on your journey. Sungaze, bless you for being a part of mine.
So today, I’ll be extra shoe gazey, with my “sad girl yearn shoe gazing” playlist as I walk through the Village on my way to work. Thinking of all the versions of me who’ve sat so long in these feelings pondering my little life and how that carries me forward on this new chapter. Staring at my feet, whispering softly to myself: “love you. mean it.”
B-side article and interview coming Summer 2025.
Listen to Sungaze’s entire discography here for all the sad girl vibes, regardless of your season.
